Here, to make it up to you:
Enjoy!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
This is why it's necessary
It is 11am here in Philadelphia and Britney Spears has been "5150ed" for close to12 hours...and I am JUST NOW finding out about it. Seriously, this no-Blackberry thing is awful. I'm living like an animal.
Ok, onto how I personally channel Britney: Last night I went out for a couple of beers with Amber and then, on the way home, remembered that I needed to pick up prescriptions at Rite Aid. I selected some Listerine and a box of S'mores pop tarts, made my way back to the prescriptions counter and asked Lorna, the perky pharmacist trainee, to give me my goddamn pills (Kidding! I didn't say goddamn!). Anyway, when I started to have a wee bit of trouble with the electronic signature machine-- just a tiny bit of trouble, I pressed a few wrong buttons and got confused-- Lorna smirked at me and said, "Oh, Meghan, you should know how to work that machine by now! You're certainly here enough!" ...at which point the little old lady behind me in line, already freaked out by the Listerine/ pop tart combo, actually backed away from me, terrified I was going to knock her down in the parking lot for her Lipitor or whatever. Thanks, Lorna. Whore.
Veronica put up a new haiku in the comments section-- please check it out. It concerns the vagina dentata, and it is very current, very now. Please keep sending them!
xo
Meghan
Ok, onto how I personally channel Britney: Last night I went out for a couple of beers with Amber and then, on the way home, remembered that I needed to pick up prescriptions at Rite Aid. I selected some Listerine and a box of S'mores pop tarts, made my way back to the prescriptions counter and asked Lorna, the perky pharmacist trainee, to give me my goddamn pills (Kidding! I didn't say goddamn!). Anyway, when I started to have a wee bit of trouble with the electronic signature machine-- just a tiny bit of trouble, I pressed a few wrong buttons and got confused-- Lorna smirked at me and said, "Oh, Meghan, you should know how to work that machine by now! You're certainly here enough!" ...at which point the little old lady behind me in line, already freaked out by the Listerine/ pop tart combo, actually backed away from me, terrified I was going to knock her down in the parking lot for her Lipitor or whatever. Thanks, Lorna. Whore.
Veronica put up a new haiku in the comments section-- please check it out. It concerns the vagina dentata, and it is very current, very now. Please keep sending them!
xo
Meghan
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
First Reader Submission
Courtesy of Anna G. of Brooklyn, NY:
liquid eyeliner
so pretty in the morning
pink eye yet again
Note how young Anna, a scientist in trade but poet in heart, skillfully verbalizes the sweet agony that is Cover Girl's Exact Lash. Kudos, baby girl. Keep 'em coming.
liquid eyeliner
so pretty in the morning
pink eye yet again
Note how young Anna, a scientist in trade but poet in heart, skillfully verbalizes the sweet agony that is Cover Girl's Exact Lash. Kudos, baby girl. Keep 'em coming.
P.S.
If any of you email me your own haiku about the Tree Man, Blackberrys, Jacuzzi tubs, S & M and/ or self-loathing I will post it here on heyprettybiglegs.blogspot.com. Think of the fame, people!
Hello dollfaces.
Yesterday I was running all around like a madwoman and tucked my blackberry into my bra strap, which I totally forgot about until I went to go see what the plumber was doing in Jen's master bathroom and I leaned over the full tub to inspect the jacuzzi jets (did I tell you I am into plumbing, in my spare time?) and plop, whoopsie daisy, out fell my blackberry for a swim in the bubbly jacuzzi water.
So for the past twenty-four hours I have been distraught, shiftless, stranded, marooned, without it. I am like a ship without a captain, a pop star without hair extensions, a Japanese teenager without her Hello Kitty backpack. I think my total sense of abandonment and loss probably says horrible things about me, not only in regard to my attention span but also about me as a human being, but fuck it-- I really, really like reading PerezHilton.com and text-messaging while on the bus (and maybe, um, on the john).
In other news, I am meeting with my adviser tomorrow to work out my graduation paperwork, thank the sweet baby Jesus. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, here are some tips for you to express your inner turmoil AND occupy all of your newfound downtime when your Blackberry is waterlogged and you don't have TV:
1) Practice putting on liquid eyeliner. I personally enjoy CoverGirl Line Exact in Very Black-- you can spend hours experimenting with Amy Winehouse and Twiggy looks, scrub your face for twenty minutes, and still have residue left over for the morning. Cuts getting ready-time in half!
2) Read Mary Gaitskill's 1988 short story collection BAD BEHAVIOR. She is dark and weird and and the whole effect is even more wunderbar and atmospheric if discussed whilst wearing the aforementioned smudgy residual liquid liner. I may love my PDA, but I am deep, goddamnit.
3) Write haiku about The Tree Man of Indonesia in your journal. Here, I'll help you get started:
Tree Man of My Heart
Is that really HPV?
That is such a shame.
Kisses and liquid liner,
Meghan
Yesterday I was running all around like a madwoman and tucked my blackberry into my bra strap, which I totally forgot about until I went to go see what the plumber was doing in Jen's master bathroom and I leaned over the full tub to inspect the jacuzzi jets (did I tell you I am into plumbing, in my spare time?) and plop, whoopsie daisy, out fell my blackberry for a swim in the bubbly jacuzzi water.
So for the past twenty-four hours I have been distraught, shiftless, stranded, marooned, without it. I am like a ship without a captain, a pop star without hair extensions, a Japanese teenager without her Hello Kitty backpack. I think my total sense of abandonment and loss probably says horrible things about me, not only in regard to my attention span but also about me as a human being, but fuck it-- I really, really like reading PerezHilton.com and text-messaging while on the bus (and maybe, um, on the john).
In other news, I am meeting with my adviser tomorrow to work out my graduation paperwork, thank the sweet baby Jesus. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, here are some tips for you to express your inner turmoil AND occupy all of your newfound downtime when your Blackberry is waterlogged and you don't have TV:
1) Practice putting on liquid eyeliner. I personally enjoy CoverGirl Line Exact in Very Black-- you can spend hours experimenting with Amy Winehouse and Twiggy looks, scrub your face for twenty minutes, and still have residue left over for the morning. Cuts getting ready-time in half!
2) Read Mary Gaitskill's 1988 short story collection BAD BEHAVIOR. She is dark and weird and and the whole effect is even more wunderbar and atmospheric if discussed whilst wearing the aforementioned smudgy residual liquid liner. I may love my PDA, but I am deep, goddamnit.
3) Write haiku about The Tree Man of Indonesia in your journal. Here, I'll help you get started:
Tree Man of My Heart
Is that really HPV?
That is such a shame.
Kisses and liquid liner,
Meghan
Monday, January 28, 2008
Birth of Big Legs-- Welcome to the world, baby blog!
Even though I really love to talk about myself, and think about myself, and therefore write about myself, I've resisted the idea of putting all of this narcissism out onto the interwebs for quite some time. Blogging just seemed so adolescent, so needy, so weirdly suburban and nerdy...
But let's be honest for a moment, lambs. Despite my best efforts, I am painfully nerdy, eternally adolescent and fundamentally suburban, so the ruse is up-- I am going to try this blog business for a little while. I need feedback on my painfully self-conscious thesis stories, and you, my dearest friends, surely need to know more about my daily interactions with cab drivers and what I eat for lunch. Win-win, I say!
I'll post a draft of my first story in the very near future-- stay tuned!
-
But let's be honest for a moment, lambs. Despite my best efforts, I am painfully nerdy, eternally adolescent and fundamentally suburban, so the ruse is up-- I am going to try this blog business for a little while. I need feedback on my painfully self-conscious thesis stories, and you, my dearest friends, surely need to know more about my daily interactions with cab drivers and what I eat for lunch. Win-win, I say!
I'll post a draft of my first story in the very near future-- stay tuned!
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