Hello dollfaces.

Yesterday I was running all around like a madwoman and tucked my blackberry into my bra strap, which I totally forgot about until I went to go see what the plumber was doing in Jen's master bathroom and I leaned over the full tub to inspect the jacuzzi jets (did I tell you I am into plumbing, in my spare time?) and plop, whoopsie daisy, out fell my blackberry for a swim in the bubbly jacuzzi water.

So for the past twenty-four hours I have been distraught, shiftless, stranded, marooned, without it. I am like a ship without a captain, a pop star without hair extensions, a Japanese teenager without her Hello Kitty backpack. I think my total sense of abandonment and loss probably says horrible things about me, not only in regard to my attention span but also about me as a human being, but fuck it-- I really, really like reading PerezHilton.com and text-messaging while on the bus (and maybe, um, on the john).

In other news, I am meeting with my adviser tomorrow to work out my graduation paperwork, thank the sweet baby Jesus. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, here are some tips for you to express your inner turmoil AND occupy all of your newfound downtime when your Blackberry is waterlogged and you don't have TV:

1) Practice putting on liquid eyeliner. I personally enjoy CoverGirl Line Exact in Very Black-- you can spend hours experimenting with Amy Winehouse and Twiggy looks, scrub your face for twenty minutes, and still have residue left over for the morning. Cuts getting ready-time in half!

2) Read Mary Gaitskill's 1988 short story collection BAD BEHAVIOR. She is dark and weird and and the whole effect is even more wunderbar and atmospheric if discussed whilst wearing the aforementioned smudgy residual liquid liner. I may love my PDA, but I am deep, goddamnit.

3) Write haiku about The Tree Man of Indonesia in your journal. Here, I'll help you get started:

Tree Man of My Heart
Is that really HPV?
That is such a shame.

Kisses and liquid liner,

Meghan